Our freedoms and security, fought and died for by Canadians and their allies, are under attack. The biggest threats to our freedom are too much government, the eco-lobby, and censors posing as human rights commissions. Our biggest security threat is Islam.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Sorry if you're a lawyer, but...

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."


I did a Google search on "occupational jokes" tonight, May 20/08. The number two hit was Lawyer jokes. The number four hit was Lawyer jokes. One and three were the main web pages of the above, www.jokefile.co.uk and www.jokesandhumor.com.

Why are lawyers so popular in the field of jokes? Is it their warmth? Their undying pursuit of common sense justice? Their golf tournaments?

I think not. It is because no other occupation on earth has earned more money while attracting more anger than any other. Let's draw an historical analogy- in ancient times, only the "high mucky-mucks" like priests and scribes could read. They made up the rules, collected the taxes, and the rest of the illiterate mob submitted and sometimes suffered. Todays' lawyers are yesterday's high priests, without so much of the sacrificing stuff. The actual bloodletting has pretty much gone by the wayside, but financial bleeding still abounds. For example, how many of you are happy to pay thousands in fees to handle a will, or a home purchase, or to get their "permission" to start a business? Are we all happy with our lawyer-driven, liability laws that strangle our economy and lead to frivolous lawsuits like "not being told your coffee is hot"? How many of our freedoms get eroded each year with all our shiny new laws? The sad truth is that we are not paying attention and lawyers are happily filling the void.

Solution? We take back our lives by declaring that our politicians will not be lawyers.

It is a conflict of interest with society to get paid for making new laws that will inevitably create new work for the lawyers that follow you. We ALL know that the rule books get thicker every year, NOT thinner.

Here's some more great lawyer jokes, courtesy of jokefile:

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off you when you die.


A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where -- your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me."

The guy raises his eyebrows and says......... "No shit, what law firm do you work for?"


There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that you're a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?" He said, "Why, yes I am!" So they went to his place.

When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already fucking someone!"


We would be better off if lawyers could not become politicians.


USpace said...

It would be better if there were less lawyers and more non-lawyer pols. But then again, Lawmakers being Lawyers doesn't sound so unreasonable. Most Lawyers tend to lean Left, that's probably a bigger problem. Thanks for the inspiration.

absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
KILL ALL the lawyers

except for the one you save
to advocate for your life

Patrick Ross said...

It isn't as if all lawyers are scum, despite the stereotype.

We should judge political candidates beased on their merit, regardless of their profession.

There are plenty of scummy people to go around.

cousinarlo said...

You're absolutely right Patrick. There are (and have been) some wonderful people in our legal system. I admire the minds that conceived and developed our common law justice system; without it we are beasts.

My main concern is and has always been the way our freedom to live the way we want has gradually been eroded by busybodies who think they have a right to control every aspect of my life.

I know that we need lawyers as much as we need any other profession or occupation. I just think that they are over-represented in elected government positions and that this has and continues to lead to more and more laws telling us what we can't do or must do.

I also feel that the legal profession officially believes that every single one of our laws are justifiable and valuable to our society.

USpace said...

I think any politician wants to make laws, that's why they become politicians. All of the big crimes and more are already against the law, so what do you do? You think and think about what to make a law about. And you seize causes, and wow, make up a law. They may never overturn it, at least not possibly for 50 years or more. What an ego trip.

Term limits and not naming any bills after politicians would help, and more true conservative/libertarian type lawyers would be a big improvement too.

It does suck with so many of them, but they know how to work the system and network with all the other lawyers pols. It feeds itself. Thanks for the cool link back. Cool blog, GO Canada! My grandmother was Canadian.


making laws is fun
they might last forever too
- so laws must be just

take some ego out of it
remove politicians' names

cousinarlo said...

"Term limits and not naming any bills after politicians would help, and more true conservative/libertarian type lawyers would be a big improvement too."

I like the idea of term limits. It should be mandatory for all elected positions, whether local, state/province or national. Enough with "selfless devotion to the state". How about, "Hey, thanks for the help! See ya in the private sector!"?

How about we stop naming bills plus buildings, streets and so on after them?

As for the conservative lawyers, I think we'll have to regain control of our education systems and clean out the lefties who promulgate failed ideals and policies.